Sometimes the hardest thing for me to admit to is the fact that I don’t understand something. When I don’t understand I feel like I have done something wrong, or didn’t pay attention to the instructions and need them repeated again. When I don’t understand something I will research until I can figure it out – if I even can. When I don’t understand something I get frustrated.
My wife has a tumor on her eye and I don’t understand it.
So in my effort to understand it I have tried to place blame and fault in many places. I have tried to examine my own life and see what I did wrong, or where I didn’t pay attention to the instructions in life. Is this a result of sin? Is this a result of choices that we made as a couple? Is this God “teaching us a lesson”? I don’t understand.
We have many good friends that are praying for us. I work at a church so I have many people there praying for us. In fact, we have many churches praying for us. Some of these friends offer simple condolences. Some of our friends offer advice and tell us what we should be doing. Some of our friends even tell of personal battles with sickness and disease they went through – which makes me not understand.
In these incidences, I think through the many times in my life that I have had to deal with something major or when I went through a season in my life and didn’t understand what God was doing. And the way I dealt with this was to isolate myself for a short time, to quiet my spirit (a song I learned in kids church – quiet me lord!), and to NOT pray, but to just be still…
to stare.
to see if the wind was blowing every single blade of grass or just a few.
to time how fast a cloud was moving across the sky.
to observe an ant at work.
to listen.
to just get away and to “be still, and know that HE is God.” – I love that passage – Psalm 46. It tells us that we should fear. It reminds us that crap is going to happen in this life. It gives us a command, with really no return on our behalf except that we will know that God is God. No amazing outpouring of blessing in return. No moments where God will speak. No instant healing.
I learned something about that word – “still” – the other day. The Hebrew term for that word is “raphah”. It means to sink, relax, sink down, let drop, be disheartened. God is commanding us here to just drop our hands, to relax, to “chill out”, turn our struggle over to God. God is calling us to realize that He is infinite, and we are not.
I am beginning to understand that God is not calling me or Rachel to figure out how to fix things. He is not calling us to figure out what we need to do to change our circumstances. He is not calling us to say a special prayer – but He IS calling us to quiet ourselves. Relax.
Be still.
Stare.
Watch the grass.
Watch the raindrops fall.
Listen to the crickets.
And to realize that as soon as we do this – God will no longer be still – but move in our lives.
TERRY JOHNSON 
Very powerful words! As cathartic as they probably were for you to write, they touched me just as powerfully! You two are amazing!
Wow. I couldn’t say it better myself. It definitely give perspective.
You two are truly amazing Terry!
Very well put Terry. Thank you.
Great note and well said! I know exactly how you feel – prayers are continuing here in Texas!
I never really equate this scripture to “fearing” God, but this gave me something new to think about. This is one of my favorite scriptures, probably because I am never still and equate that with peace. It never occurred to me the stillness we experience when we are very scared of something. Continuing to pray for Rachel and for your family.
I just had a friend have the same type of eye situation as your wife, or at least it sounds kinda the same. She went to Philadelphia for surgery. I think she may talk about it a little on her facebook page. Terry Willougby is her name and is one of the friends on my facebook page. Your wife may want to ask her some questions about all this. I can’t remember all the details.
Thank you for blessing the rest of us with your powerful thoughts and words during this difficult time for your family. We will be lifting you up in prayer as you go through this, but thank you for lifting the rest of us with some perspective to refer to during our struggles. You manage to serve others through Christ even when that may not be the initial intention. God Bless you and your family.