I have to crawl under the house today, to shut a vent…I thought I was over my fear of small spaces, as I have been under there a few times in the past month and stayed there for a while. I laid in bed thinking about when I would do it today, then the thought of someone closing the door to the crawl space and moving the heavy freezer back in front of that freaked me out. I thought to myself, maybe I should wait until Rachel is home to go under the house, maybe I should take my cell phone. Then the thoughts of being stuck under there for hours consumed my thoughts .. I couldn’t go back to sleep.
I get anxious with things like that. I am a hypochondriac…AND…it sometimes freaks me out to think about death.
We have a close family friend who was told the other day that she can most likely expect to fall asleep and never wake up. It wasn’t a “you have 6 months” – she has already received that warning. This was the “anytime now” warning. When I was told the news, instead of my heart sinking and sadness overwhelming me, I began to get anxious for her. At the same time of this feeling, I was told that she was unable to relax, she was too nervous. So many uncertainties in her mind, so many thoughts flying through her head.
I began to think about what it would be like to hear those words. In one second I am excited that I would see Jesus…but much of that is overshadowed by the thought of death. I am confident in my faith in God – that doesn’t worry me really. It is just the process that freaks me out.
Pray for my friend. It seems like death is everywhere lately, many blog stories, friends of friends, and now it becomes a little more personal.
In the perspective of death … I am thankful for today. I am content with what I have been given. I feel blessed.